Monday, May 24, 2010

The Mommyhood vs The Daddyhood: In the Trenches Together

If you asked your husband to describe daddyhood to you, how would he respond?

"I'm to tired to answer.  In fact I'm always tired, and I don't get sex anymore."  Or would you just get "the look".

My husband fits under "the look" department. 

I get annoyed frequently.  Sometimes because it seems what my husband needs is a daddyhood manual with everything written down.  I admit I would love one of those.  Figuring out the day to day is all about trial and error.  What I learn I pass on to my husband when we sit down together at the end of the day.

I am guilty of the heaving sighs when he does something different from how I would do it from dressing our children (the 2 year old should not be wearing the 10 month olds pants as capris), feeding them (gummi bears are not suitable snacks for 2 year olds), to changing them (or forgetting to change them as the case may be). 

One day, my husband gave me a piece of daddyhood insight.  He said that just because he doesn't do it my way that doesn't mean its wrong.  The girls have a well balanced diet, we agree on how to discipline our daughters but we each have slight differences that work for each of us, and they have a nap and bedtime schedule that we don't deviate from if we can help it. Above all else, our daughters know they are loved and there is lots of laughter.  The end result is the same.  It is just our paths about how we get there that differ sometimes.

He was right.  One sentence gave me a clearer insight into mommyhood.  I had taken  my 24/7 time with my daughters and had a mommy knows best mentality.  Yet, my husband can sometimes see things clearer in his role as a working dad.  Sometimes I am blinded by the large amount of time I spend with our daughters and don't see what is working and what is not working.  Those are the moments where I get blinded by frustration.

Obviously, men are not as comfortable sitting around discussing the joys of being a dad around the water cooler at work. While us moms have no problem doing so. That doesn't mean they love their children any less.

Afterall, we are in the trenches together.  To help our children reach their full potential, we need each other.

I should probably mention that I am still not above feeling a little smug when they misbehave for him or do things that they wouldn't normally do.  Afterall, I am human.


blueviolet said...

It takes practice to look past their different ways of doing things. That's for sure. But, it's the big picture that counts, and the goal is the same for both parents.

However, teehee and a whispered bravo to your smugness!

Lourie said...

I think my husband would be somewhere between the I don't get sex and "the look" category. He's a grumpy bear, but he's a good daddy just the same. And yeah, it's nice when the kids act up for them because then they get a sense of what we deal with on a daily basis.

Shell said...

Just because he does it differently doesn't mean he does it wrong...WOW. I really am going to have to remember that!

Daisygirl said...

oh the look! I know the look! Still after 6 years of being parents together we still don't see eye to eye on things. But I love what you said the end result is the same and we of course both want what is best for our children.
I however still think my way is more right..haha!

Love this post ;)

Sarah Ruth said...

This is such a great post! it definitely makes you look at things differently.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! So nice to meet you.

The Drama Mama said...

I feel a little smug when they act up for him and he has to ask me to help them behave. Haha.

Holly said...

Parenting is so hard...this line.."He said that just because he doesn't do it my way that doesn't mean its wrong." is use din the reverse (me to him) on a daily basis about everything.

Mama Sammi said...

My hubby and I are on opposite ends on what seems like everything except bedtime LOL Plus I know what you mean about being around them so much you don't see a different way, thats the same with me.

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