Friday, July 9, 2010

Letting Others Grow is Hard to Do

There are some people who try to look at the good in everyone.

I am the type of person who believes that good will triumph, we learn from hardships that we face, and that there is always a tomorrow.  I believe that life is basically good. No I don't think that life is basically rainbows and sunshine, although that would be nice.

Sometimes it is hard to understand when you face people who are angry at the world and blame others for any and all misfortunes they face. Their outlook is not a temporary one but just their perspective of how they see the world.


I can't say I understand because I don't.

I always wanted to change that attitude with words, actions, anything because it was so different from how I look at things.

When I became pregnant and after my daughter was born, my whole outlook changed.

I have always been a fixer. I want to swoop in and steer people from disastrous paths or step in and smooth the way when it is rocky. I want to make peace when those I love are fighting.

I've noticed that that has changed.  Now I am more willing to step back or not try to step in and fix things. 

I don't jump in to play peacemaker when two friends or family members are fighting.  I let them work it out themselves.


Is it because I just don't have the energy to expend or maybe I am just the one who has grown up.

I can only hope that I can do this with my daughters as they grow and learn to make their own decisions.  They need to grow just as I am still growing.

How has your persepective of the world or the people in your life changed since having children?

17 comments:

wholesomewomanhood said...

I found your blog through New Friend Friday.

Allowing your children to grow and learn is so difficult, but such a joy as well. It's hard when they work hard to figure something out and it's difficult for them. But when they finally figure out a solution to their "problem" on their own...now that is wonderful!

Asashia said...

I'm still in the "I must fix it" mode. But I do know for sure that as Little Bit gets older, that will have to change. Is there a balance? Can you fix some things and not others? I guess I'll find out along the way.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

How have I changed? I really used to believe that people were truly good, but the more I see, the angrier and disappointed I become.

I just do not get rude people, parents, bullying, etc... especially since my daughter has started school.

Being polite is basic. How come people can't get that simple concept?

Jessica Warrick said...

following from the blog hop

Salt said...

I don't have any children yet so I'm not sure how my perspective will change, but I do love that you have an optimistic outlook like I do. I so could have written the first paragraph. :)

Aging Mommy said...

You sound so very much like my husband who looks at the good in people and the good in life and his attitude to those who simply complain always about their lives is "do something about it then or otherwise stop complaining!"

I am a bit of a control freak and yet with my daughter I like and want her to explore so like you I take a step back more often than I might otherwise do.

Being a mother has changed me in so many ways, I never expected to learn so much from my own child but I find myself learning something new every day and growing as a person as a result.

Lourie said...

For our children, if we are always doing and fixing for them, they will not grow and learn. For the "adults" around us. Well, I usually end up in the middle. I don't like it. So in the recent past, I have made sure to either stand aside or say point blank, "do not involve me on this." This is an excellent post!

Mindy said...

I've noticed myself learning to step back and let my kids work it out a bit now that I'm older. It's difficult, but things tend to go better when I don't stop in for every little thing.
Like you, I hope to encourage my children to make good choices and to understand consequences, but to choose for themselves.

a happy wanderer said...

i can't say enough about this...and thank you for bringing it up! i really believe that children are working things out in ways that we just don't understand... in their own language. yes, sometimes it's hard to watch, but it's so necessary to give them the freedom to communicate. it's not being lazy...i think it sometimes takes MORE effort to do this. to bite your tongue. to just step back. but it can do so much good for our little ones' growth.

wonderful post! found you through follow me, chickadee blog hop!

Midnite Skys said...

I have always for the most part let them work it out. I use to tell them work it out and only call if there is blood... Some times they surprise you and make you proud....

But they did change my mind about people.... Also working at their school did too. I think people try to do their best and sometimes the anger isn't really for you. it isn't personal. I have gotten this attitude that they have the problem that they are angry. moody or whatever. They might be having a bad day and many times they don't mean to be cranky, just like our little ones are some days that nothing you do will get them in a better mood....

I have had people tell em after a exchange of them being cranky and me just being calm and trying to help them tell me that they are having a bad day or thank-you for being so calm when they were upset. I think they just need some to listen too.

PLUS I have a family like yours I have seen and heard all types of family drama that really if they just listen and talked to each other it would have been fixed years ago. I have a uncle who refuses to talk to me and I don't know why!!!

hypermom said...

If there's one thing that mommyhood has taught me it's that there are just some things that I cannot control,no matter how hard I try. So sometimes, it's best to just let go :)

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

It is as if I wrote this post. You described how I feel and the changes I made exactly! I was always the mender. I was the one resolving conflicts among friends and family. Now, I let them figure it out. I do not have the time and energy to put into it and it use to bring me down. I have more important and better things to put my energy into now.

Great post!

The Mommyologist said...

My perspective has definitely changed since I had my son! I can let go of unimportant things much easier now. I can leave dishes in the sink while I take him outside to play. And I can let go of toxic friends who really just don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Erin said...

i agree with hypermom 100%. I also lack the energy and since I had kids I just try to be as balanced as possible (which often seems like never).

Jennifer said...

I am your newest follower. Found your blog through Friday Follow, and I'm glad I did. I like finding bloggers who really enjoy the actual "writing" aspect of blogging, and I can tell you do! Feel free to stop by The Farris Wheel and say hi. :)

Jennifer
www.thefarriswheel.blogspot.com

Heligirl said...

I hear you. I think since becoming a mom I've gotten a lot less patient with rude, thoughtless people. I basically don't keep trying to work things out with them. Maybe it is a lack of time, but I think it's also a shift in priorities. When you become a mom, your life revolves around your family. My mom is one of those toxic people, playing the victim, blaming her lot on others,etc. After having my daughter, I basically stopped wanting to try to please her and actually put my foot down. She's been a lot more pleasant lately, mainly because she's met a really nice man.

omgyummy said...

I think my "fix it" attitude is more focussed on the things that affect my kids or their friends. And I still do want to fix issues with relatives because they are my kids' family too.

Interesting post. Saying hi from SITS!

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